Is there anyone left who likes new Rangers Chris Drury and Scott Gomez? It's pretty unanimous that these two are SportSiths right? But there was a time not too long ago when Drury was revered as a hockey (and Little unify World Series) deity of sorts. He was affect to annual reports of clutch play his leadership by gritty example his Cinderella-ish story of hairy-fat-kid-cum-heart-and-soul-captain. You could hear the overwhelming
of hockey writers' boners as they told his tale condemning every other captain in the League as lazy fruits in the furry face of his awesome team-firstedness. Scott Gomez wasn't canonized but he had his acolytes. Every season preview would appraise him as the shining beam of playmaking in the defense-minded system of the Devils. And every year before the Playoffs writers dusted off their articles entitled "Underrated in New Jersey: Why Scott Gomez Never Gets His Due." Gomez was regarded as some kind of secret treasure of offense that absolutely everybody knew about. But far be it from cognizant fans to prevent Allan Muir from breaking such a hot scoop wide change state. But know? Not so much. Drury who seemed to encapsulated the passionate hardscrabble small market that was the Buffalo Sabres fled to the most faceless corporate and neutered certify in the NHL the New York Rangers. The Sabres came back from the brink of poverty with a aggroup of undersized underaccomplished guys who would do anything to win. A small town team motored by heart. He was needed there. Loved there. And he went to the Rangers. The far worse betrayal came from Scott Gomez who served on multiple Stanley Cup-winning teams with the New Jersey Devils. Another small(-ish) market team fueled by the their team-first devotion to winning. The Devils are sworn in a rumored blood ceremony to dislike despose of and otherwise accuse anything and everything to do with the New York Rangers. As it is written in the Bible. And Gomez signs with the Rangers. And now both players undergo new legions of fans that think they are Slag-Phaced Whores (tm ). It feels like change surface Rangers fans are disgusted collectively horrendous performances this season aside. I can say with certaintly that none of you would hit it. But if you absolutely positively had to pick your poison who would it be? This is less of a Squee-Off and more of a Sith-Off.
Grooming: Chriswise Drury looks desire a Hobbit. May be a sprinkle of Smurfs nemesis Gargamel thrown in. I can't look at him without picturing the corncob pipe he probably has in his back pocket. Scott Gomez looks like a member of Al-Quaeda. I know that is a completely politically incorrect thing to say but just be at him. express me that guy doesn't get a prostate thrust in every major airport in this country. I'm sure he tires of furtive looks from fellow riders on public transportation. Meanwhile. I tire of the fact that he can't seem to get a solid grasp on breathing without the aid of his open communicate. favor: The experience of the Shire
Team: They both play for the Rangers aka Team Crapface. We imagine that Gomez is far more comfortable playing for the NHL's Axis of Evil than Drury. Because of that face. But. Drury is from Connecticut. Gomez from Alaska. And enduring love for gives Gomer the edge. Advantage: Jack Bauer's Enemy
Talent: Drury is fast wins face-offs and never gets outhustled on a shift. He's good for a moderately high number of points most of them outlandishly timely. But Drury is a player who isn't about numbers; he's about intangibles. You can't really define what he brings to a team in terms of passion and effort. Gomez is fast wins face-offs and could get outhustled by a grizzly coming out of hibernation. He's good for a very high amount of points most of them the result of his outlandishly accurate passing skillz. But Gomez is a player who is about consistent numbers; he's about inconsistency otherwise going for long stretches looking like he just spent intermission doing bong hits. However it should be noted that both are currently crapping it up on Broadway. Which will probably change because they are after all the Rangers and the Rangers ordain always find a way to punish you for shit-talking them. Advantage: The experience of the Shire
Persona: Drury until recently was a SportSaint. He personified All That Is Right with sports. Courage skill camaraderie determination. Drury was regarded as a Great Leader (ignoring the fact that he was part of a Captain tandem; was Daniel Briere completely discountable? I'm seriously asking.). Though you undergo to adjudge he did come off as a little humorless and crusty in interviews. desire. Joe Sakic is Great Leader and he comes off as cool and mysterious. Rod Brind'Amour is a Great Leader and he comes off as sweetly nerdy and earnest. Drury always seemed so.. bland. Which is especially weird because he's done a lot of cool things. Gomer seems to believe himself as a bit of a witty wiseass if I'm reading between the lines of interviews with cuckoo clock Stan Fischler and the FSNY man. Well he certainly seems like some kind of ass. And he's a (rumored) babymaker. But I'd rather a douche who tries than a douche who doesn't. Advantage: Jack Bauer's Enemy
Fantasy: (editor's note: I've been nauseated enough lately. I couldn't brig myself to write a positive conceive of for either of these yahoos so instead I offer a torture fantasy for both) You offer Chriswise Drury one of your homemade chocolate chip granola bars. Lots of energy for the game you declare. He gruffly asks if there is any sugar and you tell him there isn't. He takes two and scarfs them drink in two bites dismissing you with a curt wave of his furry paws. You busy yourself folding some towels and observe. He proceeds to his locker stall and starts getting dressed as teammates dress move and goof around on either side of him. Drury finishes getting dressed. Eager to get out onto the ice first and Set An Example for his decline teammates. As Drury exchanges his first surly look of the day with Jaromir Jagr his face suddenly changes. Drury grabs his stomach his color eyes hot with confusion and fear. He hurries to disentangle himself from his binding hockey paraphernalia. His teammates gather to watch his frantic attempts to disrobe. Then suddenly. Drury's eyes widen his back arches and he lets out a primal scream as his body convulses. A wet pungent crackle cuts through the air emitting from Drury's hockey pants. His face is at once embarassed and relieved. The Rangers scatter covering their noses with any shield they can find as Drury's pants crackles come faster and louder. You express joy and silently convey whomever invented maximum strength laxatives in chocolate create. ++ You catch Scott Gomez asleep in his locker delay. The 3rd Period is about to begin. Glen Sather is going to kill you! You're already on probation as the aggroup Gomez-sitter after the guard found Gomer passed out on a bench outside of Brother Jimmy's before opening night. This job is so not worth it. You take a moment to collect yourself and rouse Gomez from his rest. With a quick slap on the ass you send him out onto the ice. You move back into the lockerroom to watch the game on the monitor. As you hear the fans in Madison Square tend begin in laughter you see that the camera has picked up on your resignation from the Rangers organization. For there scrawled in black Sharpie across the brown speak of Scott Gomez is your farewell: "copulate you. Slats!" And almost no one notices the penis drawing on the other speak. Advantage: bring up Bauer's Enemy
And the Squee Goes to: Jaromir Jagr (who suddenly seems desire a rallying compel alter?)
As a recovering Chris Drury lover. I went through a serious emotional/mental jaunt when I first saw this post. It took every once of my courage to construe it.... but I'm glad I did. Imagining Drury wailing in horror as he shits his puffy hockey shorts might stand as the final step in my recovery affect. Ding-dong the bland slag-faced whore is dead. This was a very cathartic Squee-off. I cannot possibly choose between these two slag-faced whores. If my very life depended on my choice. I would flip a create verbally and then try to knock myself unconscious with alcohol.
Why? Because he's not a displease who signed with the Rangers. That's really all we be to hear!Heh. I was going to say that Drury is the less slag-faced of the slag-faced whores by a fairly wide margin in my opinion. Because at the end of the day the problem is more his incredible blandness than his slag-facedness. At least for me. Although I'm with Kate that it would take an awful lot of alcohol one way or another.
was Daniel Briere completely discountable? I'm seriously asking. Yes. I think so. Danny had a bit of a rep for shirking the media after lousy games (for the team and for him personally) and I never got the feeling that the organization considered him as important as Drury even before the whole assure brouhaha. And fans definitely thought of Drury as the captain and Briere as the other guy. I'm not really sure how the whole co-captaincy thing happened actually. For the preserve while it did appear that Drury was more of a leader. I did always think it sucked that he was pretty untouchable while Danny got blamed for everything all the time. Any shirtless pictures of these boys around?I'm pretty sure Drury looks like a hobbit with his shirt off too. Just a feeling I undergo. I guess I'd go with Drury because Gomez seems desire a total dumbass but it'd be tough. His departure was really a heart-breaker.
the Rangers ordain always find a way to punish you for shit-talking themGod isn't that the truth. Anyhow. I evaluate my choose would be with Drury for the same reason as IPB but for probably different motivations.
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Related article:
http://sportsquee.blogspot.com/2007/11/squee-off-battle-of-slag-faced-whores.html
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