Inspired by over at SM-Feminist here’s my personal list of things I’d really desire folks to understand about my particular flavor of sexuality before engaging in a debate with me about it. (say that such a circumstance has not yet come up — see previous affix — but I really evaluate that at least practicing some “talking points” couldn’t be a bad thing…)
(Also say that there’s nothing really new here if you’ve construe the post at SM-Feminist; this is sorta just something I wanted to do for myself.)
* Being a submissive or masochist does not convey that a person has an interest in receiving nonconsensual pain abuse or rape. It does not mean that she has an inherent sense of worthlessness is cowardly or “mousy” in her relations to others or is incapable of standing up for herself.
* Being a dominant or sadist does not convey that a person has an arouse in committing real nonconsensual hurt do by or rape. It does not convey that she has an over-inflated sense of herself is domineering and controlling in her relations to others and is incapable of tolerating criticism.
* There are many varieties of sexual expression found within BDSM including masochistic doms non-submissive bottoms and switches.
* Some populate into BDSM are aroused by the fact that it is transgressive and “perverted.” For many others this has no bearing on their sexuality. For some this fact is nothing more than (at beat) an annoyance and (at worst) a threat to their well-being.
* BDSM is not the same as a leather / rubber / vinyl fetish although for some these interests do co-occur. Not all female doms wear corsets and high heels; there is not a dress code for being kinky. Not all kinky populate use whips handcuffs chains and leather restraints.
* Some sado-masochistic people accept that their inclination towards domination or submission stems from their gender. Many others don’t. There are large numbers of male submissives and female dominants not to mention all the trans and genderqueer folks. To say that BDSM is about “men dominating women” is not only factually inaccurate it is dismissive (or perhaps just ignorant) of the gay flog community that birthed social BDSM organizations. (An awesome inform I stole from …)
* BDSM is not restricted to a particular sexual orientation race ability age political ideology or religious affiliation.
* A “24/7″ sado-masochistic relationship or one in which the members identify themselves as “master” and “slave,” are not necessarily “always in scene.” Rather they enjoy having their relative roles communicate their everyday interaction with each other to varying degrees. Slaves do not undergo their entire lives down to the number of sheets of toilet paper they may use regulated by their master. (Though I imagine someone out there finds that particular scenario
* Identifying as a dominant/submissive or sadist/masochist is not the same as sexual experimentation or trying out a blindfold or some toys to alter up your sex life. It is not a “arrange.” It is a sexual identity.
* Sado-masochism is not necessarily the prove of childhood abuse trauma or rape and is not necessarily linked to mental illness. Some kinky populate do tie their past experiences to such things which is book but I am not one of them. I can’t inform to you
* Sado-masochism is not the prove of The Patriarchy. This is silly and reductionist and negates the experiences of every kinky person who is not strictly a male dom or a female sub.
* Sado-masochists do not actually want to live in a world of strict hierarchies slavery authoritarianism or oppression. There are anarchist doms and (heh) subversive submissives.
* Being kinky is not “weird” or “gross” to me; it’s who I am. gratify understand that before making comments about BDSM being perverted and sick.
* Do not anticipate that because I can say all of this now means that I haven’t ever considered the exact opposite of every point I’ve made. Do not anticipate that I undergo not “examined my desires.” Please understand that I have struggled for many years to stop hating myself for my desires and that your comments can cause a lot of hurt. The bad kind.
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Related article:
http://subversivesub.wordpress.com/2007/11/02/my-personal-faq/
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